Regina: Did it work?
Sarah: Like a charm.
Regina: Yeah, see, the noodle wouldn't even come off the side of the pot. Crusty little bastard.
Sarah: Now that's food shame.
Regina: When it turns on you? I know.
Sarah: That happened to me with a bean once. It fell on the counter, it wouldn't let me pick it up, it kept squirting out of my grasp, and the next thing I know I'm screaming "DIE BEAN DIE" and hammering it with a spatula.
Regina: Yep, been there. And for a second, you feel all victorious.
Sarah: You defeated the evil bean.
Regina: The bean defied you, and the bean paid the ultimate price.
Sarah: The other beans will cower before you.
Regina: Then you do the voice-over.
Sarah: "In a world where beans run amok"
Regina: "only one woman can face them and live."
Sarah: "A woman of courage and superhuman strength "
Regina: "a legend in her own kitchen."
Sarah: "They call her dun dun dunnnnn"
Regina: "Beanula. In theaters everywhere, March 2003."
Sarah: And then you realize that instead of working on your goddamn novel, you've just wasted five minutes narrating a comic book adventure in which the world counts on you to save it from tiny legumes.
Regina: And that Beanula is a stupid name, so it's not even a good comic book in the first place and you should just kill yourself because you're crazy and a bad writer.
Sarah: I like Beanula!
Regina: No, Beanula doesn't work. Beanula is, like, a vampire bean. We'd have to be the Bean Killers or something.
Sarah: Yeah, I guess. But I still really like Beanula. Tiny little teeth, tiny little cape, turns into a very very tiny little bat -- that's a good comic book. I'd read that.
Regina: We could do a whole series, really. "Frankenbean"!
Sarah: Totally! Like, with the crazy chef who assembles him out of parts of other beans?
Regina: Yeah! And then he brings him to life by...how would he bring him to life?
Sarah: Uh...uh...sticking a fork in the toaster oven?
Regina: Good one! And then we could do "Bride Of Frankenbean," and she'd have a teeny little fright wig!
Sarah: Brilliant! And let's not forget -- "Night of the Living Beans!"
Regina: Clawing their way out of the garbage!
Sarah: Staggering across the fields towards human civilization!
Regina: Moaning "braaaaaains"!
Sarah: What else could we do?
Regina: Hmm. "Hallobean"? That's the one where he wears the Shatner mask, right?
Sarah: Oh, man. With the teeny tiny butcher knife.
Regina: I know. But would people, like, run in terror? Or would they just go, "Okay, whatever," and squish him with a fork?
Sarah: I don't know. Squish him with a fork, probably.
Regina: God. We've just spent how many minutes on the bean horror franchise?
Sarah: We also said the words "Tater Tot" about a bazillion times. Don't think too deeply on it.
Regina: You're probably right.
Sarah: We're going to die alone.
Regina: We're going to be the grandmothers of beansploitation. Founders of cinematic movements don't die alone.
Sarah: Oh. Okay then.
Regina: Hey, did you eat that bean?
Sarah: The one I flattened? No. Why?
Regina: Oh, just wondering. Now, if it had fallen on the floor and you'd stepped on it --
Sarah: Oh, go eat a meatloaf.
Regina: Shut up.
Sarah: You shut up.