Today, I was on my way home from the mountains and I saw this fucking beautiful man (we're talking cheekbones, breck hair, thin frame and perfectly imperfect teeth) walking through the convenience store whose shelves I was browsing. He was walking around stocking things and I was doing my best not to stare at him. I grab a brownie and go to get run up wishing that he lived in Vallejo near me.
Then, as fate would have it, he opens a register and waits on me.
"How are you doing?" he says.
"I'm good." I blurt out... I mentally kick myself for being so trite.
"Well, that's good." He says, "That's important. Will this be all?"
I grab a lighter to boot, cos I collect strange-looking lighters so that no one can take them and claim that it's theirs. So he waits on me, actually tries to CARD ME for buying the lighter. I buy gas, and when the guy to my right hears that I only want $6 worth, he starts talking to me about how wise I am for buying a small car.
Meanwhile, I'm explaining that I had half-a-tank to begin with and trying hard to think of something clever to say to Mr. Cheekbones, he hands me my change... which I proceed to drop all over the floor. As I get down on my hands and knees to pick it all up, he laughs at me. Really. Bends over the counter to watch, and starts laughing like I'm fucking Jim Carrey.
Oh, the shame!