Last Saturday afternoon we were drinking coffee in a resturaunt, and a child standing up in the booth in front of us started picking his nose and making hideous faces at us. Not being intimidated, I made faces back attempting to shock the pigdemon into leaving us alone. It didn't work...he started tossing things at us then, including a wet sugar packet he had been slobbering on. i lobbed it back at him, and it hit him in the eyeball. he started sobbing and clutching his head. lucky for us he wasn't able to articulate to his sire what had occurred. people should really put leashes on their kids to make sure they don't behave that way in public...
AND!!! this is the best story really, which is why i saved it for last. Once we saw a very old man in a wheelchair on the street, screaming and drooling and legless. He built up momentum, then reeled himself down a steep sidewalk. of course, gravity dumped him from his chair unceremoniously. shrieks emanated from his toothless mouth! michelle poked me and fought back uncontrollable cackling. "you should go and help him!!!" she suggested. being stupid, i walked over to the legless man and helped him into his chair again. THE OLD FILTHY BASTARD attempted to BITE my fingers off as thanks for the assistance!!! Then my wallet mysteeeriously fell from my pocket. i snatched it up and avoided losing a chunk of handflesh.
When I told Michelle what had happened, she burst into hysterical laughter and said that this handicapped man probably reeled himself down the steep sidewalk EVERY SINGLE DAY, falling down the same way thousands of times and shrieking until someone offers help. then, she said, he steals the wallets of whoever stops and bites them to add insult to injury! she said it was probably a trick he had perfected! the only thing that gave him joy! the way he spends his days!
what do you think?